its totally not the same.

we are not the same like before suddenly.
it pains me badly.
really badly.

everything seem to be so fake in the past suddenly.

im terribly hurt.
i'm heartbroken.

i wish i can find my courage agn.
i just wish to turn back time.
i hate myself for who i am.
i hate the kind of things i always hv to go thru.
wat irene has said is so true.
God always challenge our limits. and that's so painful.
and each time we get stronger, it gets tougher.
i hate growing up. i hate those pain of growing up.
i hate gg thru all this hurts and harm.
i just wish to remain as a baby, that's so protected and loved.
its really not easy, to be thinking abt all the happy moments we shared, and looking at us now.
i could feel the distance so well, i seem to know it more than just by name.

whn issues or quarrels come piercing into hearts,
its more than merely a temperament pain.
its long lasting.
and the more the person mean to u, the more u love the person,
the greater the pain. the deeper the hurt.
i have so much i wish to say, but i just got no idea where shud i begin.
it wasnt an easy start, right from the beginning. for me to move on frm my fears. to take that courage to find my strength and to believe in love again.
but love failed me.
it hurt me. it killed me. over and over. and now again.
the reality has hit itself against me so hard.
the reality that i may not be able to hv him for the rest of my life. the reality that he cant really accept me for who i am. if he can, den why is he always abt changing me to be the kind of si si he wants? and the reality that true love nv runs smooth, and love is everywhere and on the contrary, always missing.
sometimes i really wish i can just be knocked down by a car, and suffer frm some memory loss or coma. i really dun wish to carry the burdens life gives. its such a torment. its so heavy and hard to move.
i want to unload badly. i want to feel freedom. i wan to feel true love. i wan to feel true meaning in life. but can i opt to go without all those pain and hurts?

where is the one who keep me going on all this while? where is the one who cares and loves me the most? why does love feels so strong a moment, and almost like vanished the next?
why does love always bring me in circles, and leading me to pitfalls. why????! WHY?! *cries*

he says that our love has reached a point that it takes a great effort for us to move on smoothly. seeing that, it hurts me so badly.
my whole heart has fallen apart.
i really wish that what i would do for this r/s, he will see it.
i hope he really know how much im changing myself, how much im pushing myself just for him.
just for us.

if love was meant to be, den why does it hurt so much?
if there was sth more precious den air and water, is that gg to be love?
but why does sth precious hv to harm us so much too?
is love the greatest emotion? why does it always bring along w it so much smiles, den tears?

i want to live in the fairytale.
i want a happily ever after.
but will that ever come true?
i guess im just dreaming.

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